I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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