Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
