Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
