i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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