Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
