I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
