My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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