my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
