I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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