ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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