This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
