Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
