Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
