i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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