P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
