My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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