before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
