Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
