I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
