shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
