Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
