The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
