dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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