Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
