I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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