If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
