maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
