the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
