I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
