Pregnant stripper...not hot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
