i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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