But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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