I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
