Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
