Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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