Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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