You smell like stripper and shame
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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