I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
