I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
