My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
