Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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