very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
