i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
