and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
