One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
