just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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