It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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