just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its liver damage thursday
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
