guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
