I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
