Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
