I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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