i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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